This is an email that I sent to my friend, D, regarding an environmental beach cleaning on the upcoming Saturday. This is the sort of shit that I grind out on a daily basis.

Hmm,

This does sound interesting, but I am not one to give up my Saturday unless it is guaranteed some bitching, food and clothes shopping.

I am a menace to the environment.

In an effort to help the ease global warming and such, I will recycle old phones, donate clothing, and use only the aircon when in dire need. I also am not a fan of bright lighting because it shows my greys, my dimpled thighs and my wrinkles. So those will stay off. That has to account for something.

I am intrigued by the photo competition, however. But, I am sure that more interesting rubbish is alive and well in my refridgerator.

Also, there might be some hot guys involved in this endeavour because hot guys tend to care about that stuff, because they likely think that there will be hot girls there...and it is nice to do something for the environment.

Realistically, this would involve me getting into a swimsuit if we are going on a junk and frisk about in the water afterwards. I am very white. Extremely pastey...AND I am desperate for a bikini wax. I am holding out for Oz. That's in almost two months.

And do we really want to swim in waters from which we have just scooped used tampons, condoms and biohazardous waste??????

What are your thoughts?

J.