Why is it For Men Only?

Dear Makers of Pocky Pretzels,

Yeah, I'm just wondering if girls are allowed to eat Men's Pocky, because I am a girl and I load up on them regularly to give me that 3p.m. jolt and I am hooked on the shit now, so I don't plan on stopping. Ever.

Sincerely,

Metrobabe in HK.

If The Far, Far Side Were to Go AWOL, Would There Be a Public Outcry Like That Of The Company Bitch's Blog Snub?

The answer, my friends, is no. And here is why.

Blogster / shit-stirrer / philanthropist Grant Miller of Grant Miller Media has declared war on TCB stating that “The Company Bitch hates you and wants you to die” in light of her somewhat recent hiatus. That's probably true. Erratic and snobby as she may appear on her blog though, the truth is, Bitch can write. And how!

Akin The Company Bitch, we here at The Far, Far Side can make clever quips about the daily mishaps in our lives. Yet they just don’t seem so cutesy and clever as TCB.

“But…why?” one may ask. Good question.

While The Company Bitch is the monologue of a young, leggy blond from somewhere in New York City, we here at The Far, Far Side are not. In fact we are elfin, brunette and hail from Canada – and not even Toronto. And we are in our thirties. Nobody cares about you when you are in your thirties. We are the complete and utter antithesis of all things The Company Bitch.

It does not stop there.

Random, only sometimes slightly funny and inarticulate at best, The Far, Far Side has no intention of trying to compete with TCB. We enjoy being steeped in mediocrity. We like to keep our expectations low so as to not disappoint our avid fans. We are like Snapple. We are number (three thousand and) two!

In conclusion, we here at The Far, Far Side will not be pulling a fast one and leaving all you loyal readers in the lurch for second-rate e-“literature”. And if we did, you will be sure not to notice.

Welcome back, Bitch.

Living in Asia means that I am exposed to some quality television and by quality television, I mean canned sitcoms that can be purchased cheaply by our local cable network. After all, it’s that or watch Cantonese soaps and Korean Hour every day and living in Hong Kong whilst working for a Korean company gives me my fill. So, besides having the good fortune of The Bold and The Beautiful reruns circa 1999, I get to watch a series of new ‘telenovelas’ from a pilot American television station.

MyNetworkTV has thus far shown two of it’s masterpieces on Starworld. The first being Desire: Table for Three, which showcased two brothers running from the mob and falling for the same girl and it turns into convoluted love triangle that ends…well, I am not sure how it ended. Frankly, besides some sweet-assed abs and soft-porn scenes, the acting is rancid. And with that, my excitement at the prospect of something good to watch, was fleeting and all in vain.

However, the end of Desire saw the beginning of a whole new guilty pleasure called Fashion House. Here is what the uber-reliable search engine Wikipedia has to say about it:

“Fashion House focused on greed, lust and ambition surrounding a violent corporate takeover of the business's hottest company. It starred Bo Derek as the ruthless head of the business and Morgan Fairchild as her long-time arch-rival. The show was known more for the leads' hair-pulling, name-calling, and vase-throwing than for its romance, passion and drama.”

Brilliant. There is nothing better than a good old fashioned cat-fighting scandal. The acting is pretty lame and Gloria Thompson’s boobs are hoisted to her chin, but none of that really matters because the storyline is slightly psychotic and Bo Derek has the best lines. Ever.

Morgan Fairchild: Is that supposed to scare me?
Bo Derek: [through stifled laughter] Is that dress supposed to scare me?
Bitch slap number 4567 ensues.


Loves it.

C'est Moi...

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Congratulations! You Are Now The Coordinator! Again!

After waging war with the administrators at my place of employment in the course of three months over the fact I was "the coordinator" since the beginning of my post, I won my case, and was awarded with the title "coordinator" -- again.

This, to me, is the zenith of workplace insanity. But oh well. Nothing shocks me anymore and I was glad to have the matter sorted once and for all.

However, the icing on the crazy cake was this. A general staff meeting was called in the "important meeting place" and all staff were urged to attend. After we all clamoured in and settled down, the new boss calls me to the front of the "important meeting place" only to present me with an official certificate complete with a company chop and signature indicating that I am now, in effect, the coordinator and had been since April 1st. Of course this not only confused my coworkers who, since September have been flinging shit on my desk and telling me to get it done, (and I gotta say --I am still a little bit confused about this role and not sure what "coordinating all the things" is meant to represent) but it sent me into hysterics. I had to literally bite my lip to the point of pain so as to refrain from laughing out loud.

Anyways, so now I have a shiny new peice of paper to add to my portfolio of crap and a flashy new title. Again. Oh, and more responsibility.

Shoulda kept my big mouth shut.

A Justifiable Week of Ass-Sitting

It's been pointed out to me that I have hit the proverbial "plateau" that most wearisome dieters and exercise fiends tend to do at some point. What this means is that no matter what one does in the line of physical activity, will be done so all in vain as the aforementioned one requires a rest. Thank God.

Saying that, starting this second, I will not forgo any physical activity of any sort. I will endure being slagged off in Cantonese by taxi drivers who must cart my sorry ass to work for a measly $15 HKD. I will move my refridgerator into my living room so I don't have to walk to get the leftovers from Dial-a-Dinner. In fact, I will pre-order all next week's dinners from Pizza Box. And what about school lunches, you ask? Six students = 5 lunch slaves and one to fetch my REGULAR Coke from the tuck shop. I may even look into doing work a la distance education style next week. After all, I do own a webcam...

So for all you disillusioned folks out there who have been working your tail off at the gym...look forward to the plateau...In the meantime, enjoy these inspirational recipes from my favourite website listed below.

http://www.candyboots.com/wwcards.html